I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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