i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
