i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
