i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
