You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
