Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
