Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
