Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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