apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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