Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just want to make out with him forever
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
