so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
