I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
