roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
