Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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