Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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