Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
