She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
