you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
