There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he fucked my hip out of place.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Vodka?
Forever.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
