what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
