you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
