How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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