hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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