you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
