I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
