Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
