I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize