forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
oh god the rape fog is back!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
