I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
