You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
