i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
