soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
