I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
