dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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