yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
