Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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