So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
