Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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