OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
