trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
sex in a hospital.. check
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize