There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
