I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
