I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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