i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
