I don't think brook has ever known best
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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