If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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