**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
