dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
