I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize