I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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