I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think your dad took our porno
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
