I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
