is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
