My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
