It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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