apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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