My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
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