I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize