hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I love you. Go after that dick
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
