I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
