Cold hands, warm shart.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
