I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
