i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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