so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
