Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
