tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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