My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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