and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize