how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
